I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
