She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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