You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
