the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
