i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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