Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
