Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
