thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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