oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize