We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
