arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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