Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
