i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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