dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
