Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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