I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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