i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I stole a fireplace last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
