Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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