I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
do nipples grow back?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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