Girls should come with a carfax report
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
