a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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