haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sext me about skeletons
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
