no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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