K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Randomize
