When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
