What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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