She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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