Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
