It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
