fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
