How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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