Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I need to sanitize my soul.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
