every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
