the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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