So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
