but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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