so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
