Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
