woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
