I'm eating all of the evidence.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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