You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
