He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
