I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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