Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
