my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
