Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
