john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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