youre lurking in front of me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize