So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
