Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
