dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize