one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
