Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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