I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
