Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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