last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
COCAINE IS GR8
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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