A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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