My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
