You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
