Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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