i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
