Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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