12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
