I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
