You can't special order awesome
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
