Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize