My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
