You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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