everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize