so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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