what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize