i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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