I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
